college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
