Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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