What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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