Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
