am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
