the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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