who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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