just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
