Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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