those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All the doctor said was why
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
