I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
whose parrot is this?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
