I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
