i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
