I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
