He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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