I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
