Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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