What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
