I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
