he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
