Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
