blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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