OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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