My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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