watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
