You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
