my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
