What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize