1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
