The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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