I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
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Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Couch. On fire.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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