I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
