So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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