Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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