i jhust puked up my retainher.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
