I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
