I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
