My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
