i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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