You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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