these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
