Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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