Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
