everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize