She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
