My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
