he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
