Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
