Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
