I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
nutella sex= disaster
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
