Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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