i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
