The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
