remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
