Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
