I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
